September!

Ah September, soon it will be December and soon again, hello New Year 2012! Time passes us by very quickly. It's like closing your eyes and when you open, it's either next month or end of the year. I know it's abit early to say but this year has not been a good year to me. So much good things happened but at the same time bad things surfaced. The balance I need. You just can't be freaking happy for awhile because once you smile, someone or something just love bringing you down. Ish. 

Hopefully, next year will be a better year for me. Crossing fingers! Hehe end the suffering and the drama purr-lease~~!

Ghost of former love crush

Yep, so I have been dreaming of boys that I used to like. It was so weird and funny. Aii...but why? Why? What is the message here now? Ishh...so suddenly. Anyways I won't bored you with this dream of mine; I forgot also what was my dream about =)

The Forbidden Ex-boyfriend

I'm going to tell you a story about this ex-boyfriend.

To protect his privacy, his name shall not be mentioned.

Have you ever dream of your ex-boyfriend and wake up feeling weird the next day? I have countless times. But recently, it felt so real. It's not like we are getting back together  because I remember telling him I'm engaged. It felt real because of all this years after breaking up, we have never meet each other, let alone bump into each other. Wait, there was one time we did and another time when I think I saw him (and I know he saw me) but I didn't wanted to confirm whether its him or not (shy bah). 

In my dreams, I was actually in a condo or hotel (I forgot already) and was waiting for a guy to pick me up to go somewhere (again I forgot). This guy was coming in a red land rover and seeing him from afar, I quickly ran to the lift to go down. Upon reaching down, I saw the guy (cute also if I remember it correctly) but then dreams change (you know how dreams are like this), suddenly my ex appeared and we were his house. I was about to walked into his room when he told me he had switched room with his sister. And to my surprised all his sisters are so nice to me, more like friendly. I mean its not like his sister were mean to me before in real life, its just that we never really talked when I was with him. And in this dreams, his house is not like the house I remember and all his siblings are finally in the same house, except the first born one. We were in his room and I was still in shocked. Not because he appeared in my dreams but that he switched rooms with his sister. I was getting over the fact (stupid right, in my dreams again), LoL, but this room was so much nicer. It's so tidy and he even have a balcony with a fish aquarium there. This is the result of years without being friends. Oh, I don't think we did much talking. I was walking around in his room looking at things (macam Inspector pulak) and I guess maybe after all this while, he is trying to get in touch with me, being all friends again. I don't know about real life. I felt we were being friends again in the dreams. 

Now back to reality, the year 2008 have been the most ups and downs in my life. Turning 21 years old (legal baby!), practical training, getting my first job, working in a stressful moments helping to organized a International Conference, 2 painful breakups, convocation etc. 

My breakup with him was heartbreaking. The moment I started my job right after my practical training, we seem to drifted apart. I was getting extremely busy. He told me after a month working we should take a break in our relationship. Few weeks later, he ask for a break up. I didn't want to. I begged him not to break up and to give us another chance. He gave in after feeling bad about me crying my heart out. But nothing changed, I mean, we didn't fixed the relationship. We seldom go out and he is always with his friends. Who would have known he have another girl then.  I finally decided to end our relationship with one condition; that he spend a week with me. He even ask me why suddenly I want to end it now and whether I have another guy etc. I told him I don't want to feel stupid anymore being in this relationship which we both know its never going to work out again and this decision have nothing to do with any guy. 

But we didn't really spend that one week together. The last I saw him before the breakup was on his birthday. He came to see me for awhile. Somewhere in July that we ended it, over a sms. The funny thing about it, he told to be happy with my then boyfriend. He even mentioned his name. God knows how he knows but I told him to have a good life with his girlfriend. 

A year later, I bumped into him when I was out with my cousin and his two friends in Upperstar, he was with his girlfriend and friends. Who knew that one of my cousin's friend know his girlfriend or one of the friends there. I think both of us was in shocked. I mean, we haven't meet each other over a year or bother keeping in touch. So seeing each other for the first time, it felt weird but I didn't say anything to him, in fact, I just walked pass him. That was it. No more seeing him until last saturday night, in my dreams. 

Maybe I'm not over him. Maybe I misses him. That's why he appeared in my dreams. Maybe we want to be friends. Who knew? 

Rumors

Rumors is definite as a piece of unverified information of uncertain origin usually spread by word of mouth.

Questions: Would you believe every rumors you heard? Or do you just listen to the one-sided story instead of two?

People spread rumors everyday. Other people listen and believe it without seeking for the truth in it. That's annoying. 

My family may not be perfect and rich. You can hate us as much as you do. We do NOT care what you think of us. But please stop spreading lies and talking bad about us. Don't you know how pathetic you look right now? Don't you know some people are fed up with your lies? They just nod their heads, listen and smile but deep inside, they look at you with pity. What they see is that you are not a good person with a heart so black. You don't see us going around talking bad about you, right? As much as I wanted to, that will make me just as worse as you. Why bother going to church when the moment you step out of the church, you are still the same person? Shouldn't you repent by now. We have helped you so much. Not like we ask anything in return or I am bragging about it. But the least you can do is be grateful instead of bitching around after everything we done. We help you with sincerity. We were thankful for your help when we needed you.

Do you have to make us look so bad? Are we such a disgrace in your presence? Not only do you talk bad about us, sometimes you talk bad about your other kids. But everytime I listened, at least I don't give your other kids a dirty look. I just smile and pray for them. Or I just listened and acted stupid afterwards. 

I don't know why are you so mean. You need healing in your life. SERIOUSLY. Stop hurting us. Go hurt yourself. Then you know how it feels.

Piece of advise to everybody out there, when you heard a rumor about someone, either you listen to both sides or don't go supporting the wrong side. Save yourself from embarrassment. Jaga lah tepi kain sendiri, don't go jaga tepi kain orang lain. What if the rumor turns out to be a lie and people will see that you are no good? Nahh salah siapa? Sedar diri dulu lah. Think twice before spreading rumors or believing it. Don't always believe in everything you read. Better watch E News! at least there is ' So true, So false'.

I'm going to pray for your soul. Hopefully God will forgive you. Or I let karma get you back badly. 

Justice be served. 

Bevvy

The land below the wind

Why hello readers!

I'm officially back in Kota Kinabalu after spending 4 months in Kuala Lumpur, mostly being jobless. Yes, either they looking for high perfect people with the most perfect resume or experience, I guess I'm not in their list. Ish what lah, I mean people start from the bottom and work their ass up right? Or you give them training. What to do you expect students fresh out of the Uni/College to work? Like as if they know your file system, customer service, management etc. And not all have degree mah. So stop putting up high expectation. Annoying. 

So, I'm trying my luck here in KK again. Hopefully a good job for me to keep. *Crossing fingers* Enough of me being a loser without a job. 

Ahhh my days before returning to KK was chaos!! The packing. The headaches. The arguments with Roy. I will post pics up soon. The mess are everywhere, things scattered here and there. I think we have more than 5 rubbish bags. Haha. Ohh the dust too!

Anyways, I'm out of words already. Will update again soon.

Thank you!

Beverly

Let's all get fat today!

Hello!

Topic of today is 'Fat is Cool'. 

If you are one of the lucky ones who gets fat easily like eat less gain weight, eat more, gain more weight, do exercise but still not skinny, etc, welcome to the club! 

Why bother to lose weight when all you ever get is the same freaking weight? When you do lose weight, it stays only for awhile before you gain it all back. Its a roller coaster ride baby! 

I like to be those skinny girls. Who look good in anything. But I would like the skinny girls with boobies. LoL.

Yes, I'm trying to lose those fats I gained over the days I am in KL. It must be the air. Eat like a pig. Or I blame it on the hormones when I eat non stop! Seriously, its like eating one pot of rice and few minutes later, 'Gee, I'm hungry again!'. 

God, can I be like those girls I see in the malls or tv...nice and skinny? please and thank you!

Thats all FOLKS!

Bevvy xoxo

p/s: If you do read my post and manage to read up to here, Fat is so not COOL. I lied. Sorry. Lose some weight if you are fat and chubby like me. Eat healthy and drink a cup of hot lemon in the morning. It will do you good like it did to me...last year before I stopped. Idiot me. Oh and green tea! Ahh that one does wonders!

Real Actress

I should have an Oscar award for being in countless drama in my life. From family dramas to life dramas. When I'm done with one drama, another one pop out when you least expect it. It's like the director throwing you scripts after scripts. You played well, the dramas end. You do bad in it, it goes on longer until you do it right. Though I would rather be a real actress, acting along with Robert Pattinson, Harry Shum Jr, and any hotties.

I looked up to people I love or to have them as my role models, but I realized that everytime I looked up to one, they changed to some pain in the ass or some arrogant stuck up bitch/bastard (excuse the swearing or cursing, thank you). I wished that I would be rich so I could blend in with you but then again if being rich makes me a bitch, I so won't be like you. 

If I'm rich and have all the properties, diamonds and etc in the world, I would leave it at good hands. Not like I can bring it with me in Heaven (or Hell). I doubt if they can fit my coffin well. But then again, maybe you think you can do it. So go ahead, I will watch and see what happens. 

I vowed to myself that my children will not suffer the way I suffered now. I will make sure they grow up being humble and kind. They will respect everyone despite me and others being a pain in their ass. I will teach them to be strong and to learn from every mistake. I will make sure they will be more successful in their life. The only people who can make them suffer will be their mother and father. 

Yes yes, this post have nothing to with the title up there, but hey the first two paragraph is relevant what!

Sorry, just needed to take with problems off my shoulders. If you feel like I'm talking about you, read back, if you fit in any words that I typed, think twice or more, make sure that you did something wrong with me, then maybe, just maybe, it's you that I might be talking about.

Thank you.

Bev the drama queen. xoxo